Have a Little Cheer

Tis the season for sugar and booze and everything covered in cheese. I should probably use the twelve days of Christmas to do a twelve day fast. Instead of eating fast and carelessly for way more than twelve days. I am a foodie. I love all things with cream cheese and sour cream. And beautiful delicious butter. Hooray for butter!  I need to snap out of it or I'll bust a snap right out of my pants and then how depressed will I be? I spend too much time living in my yoga pants and not enough time doing yoga in my yoga pants. I love them. They make my ass look great no matter how many cheese balls I've consumed. At least that's what I believe, please don't correct me. I may hurl a bourban ball at you or worse yet,  shove a candycane up your nose. Happy Holidays!

It's a true testament to my rockstar parenting when I see my children reaching for pumpkin pie at breakfast. Don't judge, pumpkin is a vegetable. My daughter screamed in horror when she pulled the foil back last week and that pie had grown a beard. Lesson learned. Eat your vegetables in a timely manner, or things will get hairy.

I have not started with the egg nog. Yet. Again, I am not going to get mother of the year if I don't at least stagger the artery clogging fun. My teenage son treats a carton of eggnog like it's the tiniest glass of juice. Except he does not bother himself with a glass. Just bothers me on that one.

The house is decorated, the tree is up. It has only fallen twice. Thank God for the Dust Buster I received last year. That baby has some serious torque. It's the little things. I do feel some of our family tradition may be waning. The candy canes disappeared before they had a chance to hang prettily from the branches of our very eclectic tree. Go ahead and judge that one.

The lights outside are lovely. Everyone is in on the festivities. The dogs contribute by lifting their legs just out side the front door and on the walk to the driveway. I like to think they are taking part in  the reenactment of the manger scene where baby Jesus was born. Hay is yellow. The shepherds will have no trouble finding our house.  

My son's girlfriend joined us for tree decorating and cookie baking this year and it was great fun! He couldn't wait to show her the pregnancy test we turned into an ornament commemorating his conception. I told you it was eclectic. I am afraid it may be time to add condoms to the tree. Hmmm. How to punch a hole to hang them without damaging the goods...I will be CAREFUL. VERY VERY CAREFUL.

It will be an interesting race to see which goes faster. The condoms or the candy canes. It may be neck and neck. The Swedish Fish candy canes are especially yummy. A real family favorite. Who am I kidding. Neither will make it to the tree. Not a chance.