The Chew

I am not referring to the daytime television show, although now that I mention it, yuck. I like Clinton, but only when he's on "What not to Wear" helping the sad girl love who and how she is. Are we supposed to know who the other Chew people are? I may have seen the chef somewhere, but it could have been the grocery store. ADHD aside, I have no idea what those folks are saying, while they are saying it! Lips are moving, no comprendo. Can't be good for ratings.

 I do a depression check when I find something or someone really foul. If I am struggling, no one stands a chance. I'd find something wrong with the Pope. And that guy is cool. The only real, no kidding exception is Elisabeth Hasselbeck. No matter my mental state, the sound of her voice and the ignorant, inexperienced, entitled words that come out of her mouth are the devil. I will clarify. She is what I believe the devil would sound like, if I believed there was a devil. I do, however, love me some Barbara Walters! I remember as a kid, my grandmother saying that Ms. Walters should run for president. But Baba Wawa, what were you thinking when you hired that Hasselbeck to be on "The View"? And for crying outside, what took you so long to get rid of her? 

The title actually refers to chewing gum. I do not like gum. The smell of it makes me physically nauseous. Mint is the worst. Gag. I can't emphasize enough how disgusted I am by the chewing of gum and the smell of mint. Yes, I brush my teeth (floss and rinse too) but there is only one specific brand that I can handle. I don't know why. Is it some repressed childhood memory where mint was not affectionate? Did a gum chewer bully me? Tell me I was fat and to have another cookie? I don't know and frankly, I don't give two shits (two smells I tolerate more than gum). I just hate it. I have a fear of ending up next to a mint gum chewing passenger on an airplane. If they are chewing it with their mouth open, then I am really screwed. My chances are pretty high because EVERYONE chews gum on airplanes. Can't you people fake yawn? Can't I have a fear of flying instead?

Hey, gum chewers, where ever did you get the idea that chewing gum (or anything) with your mouth open is even the slightest bit acceptable? Is your mother a pretend prostitute in the movies?  Stop it! Stop it right now. I know I have my issues, but you need to close your mouth. oh, and the cracking, popping thing, even with your mouth closed is also really disgusting and rude. Your dental work is none of my business.

Please. I am begging you. Chew to yourself with your mouth closed. Thank you.